Three books and a podcast

If you're a fan of Mrs. Doubtfire, you will love listening to Dr. Claire Weekes in Hope and Help for your Nerves on Audible or CD.  Yes, some of the terminology is a little outdated, but I found the information very relevant and couldn't help being charmed as she cheered me on.  Little known fact about Claire is that she had anxiety and panic attacks as well throughout her life.

Chronic worriers, Dave Carbonell is at it again. His latest book is called The Worry Trick and follows the popular workbook, Panic Attacks Workbook. I've read and enjoyed the workbook and have just begun making my way through The Worry Trick.  You'll find expert advice inside on how to deal with chronic worry with a healthy dose of skill and humor.  Happy reading!

Do you find yourself backing away when anxiety makes it's move?  Reid Wilson teaches us the new rules of the game in his latest book "Stopping the Noise in Your Head". I've been reading a little bit every day and find myself underlining something on each page.  If you've read about my experience in his weekend workshop, you have an idea of what this looks like.  His style is very strategic, crosses over all anxiety disorders and you'll feel like he's coaching you personally along the way.

And finally, have you ever been listening to a podcast while driving home and it's so good you just sit in your car in front of the house, until it's over? In this section of This American Life, Paul Ford imagines what if anxiety were an IT problem to be solved?

Ping!

Have a great weekend!

Breaking the Rules

Early last week, I took my kids to the dentist for their 6 month check ups.  Afterwards, there was a promised stop at Starbucks for breakfast and we began making our way toward drop offs at three different schools.

High school was closest and our first stop. Then we took the youngest to her elementary school. And, finally the middle and I set off for middle school.  As we got closer, I saw one of our favorite parks.

I got quiet and my daughter instantly read my thoughts. (I do believe that’s one of her super powers!)

“Mom, what are you considering?” she asked with a smile in her voice.

“Hey, do you want to go to Maymont instead of school? I mean, what class are you missing right now? “ I said half joking, half serious.

“Science”, she responded, “but I’m ahead on my work and wouldn’t be missing anything.”

We laughed while I kept driving toward school, but then turned on my blinker and pulled into the park.

We both smiled big and talked about how we used to come here all the time when she & her sisters were little.

“How about we run around for about 20 minutes? That work for you?”

“Yes! Let’s go!”

I let Z choose where she wanted to go. We visited with the donkeys, goats and bunnies.  Walked past the cows, moo'ed loudly to get their attention and spotted deer hiding in the meadow.  The weather was gorgeous, so at some point we kicked off our shoes and enjoyed the feeling of bare feet on the warm ground. 

We found the statue that the kids always climbed on when they were tiny, took it upon ourselves to climb it again and took photos.  I sent a picture of Z laying on the park bench to her Dad, saying, “Science class is the best!”

When it was time to go, I got a big hug from my girl.

“This was awesome, Mom!” she said.

“It was awesome. I love getting spontaneous time with my girl - and, well, sometimes you’ve just got to break the rules a little.”

“I’ll remind you of that quote when I’m older! “

----- 

With anxiety, sometimes it’s important to let loose and break the rules as well. What kind of rules do you set for yourself?  You know the ones you create in your head to create the illusion of protection:

*I’m safe if I drive in the right hand lane, but might freak out if I get stuck in the fast lane

*Movie theaters are ok, but only if I get the aisle seat.

*Glass elevators are pretty safe, but I take stairs in all other situations, unless for some reason my anxiety is low and I’m feeling particularly confident.

*Yes to lunch dates as long as I can hide in a group.

*I’ll only fly if I have a few drinks ahead of time.

This week, why not experiment with breaking the rules?  Get curious. What happens when you do the opposite of what anxiety tells you to do? Drive in that middle lane. Go to lunch with one friend.  Release into the swell of adrenaline instead of tensing up to fight it. Keep going instead of running away.

It's time to live a bigger life and break the rules. Join me?

Ready

 “I’ll try it, but I may turn around and come back down. Don’t try to make me go!” I said with forced speech to my teenagers as we climbed the steps higher and higher. The water slide was in sight, but still about fifty feet away and up.

Minutes before, we were getting ready to go home. Walking past a big slide on the way out, I said nonchalantly, “Oh, that looks really fun. Too bad we have to get home. I’ll definitely do it next time.”

“Mom, there’s literally no line. We should do it right now!” said my older girls.

“Yeah, go on Kris!” added my husband and his best friend, smiling. They knew I hadn’t meant a word I said.  “We’ll wait right here for you.  Give me your stuff & have fun!”

Our eight year old spoke up with passion.  “Mom, you do not have to do this!” She and I had happily spent the day together hitting the lazy rivers and kiddie areas while the others sought drops and thrills.

The teens urged me to give it a try.  Grabbing a raft and heading up the first flight of stairs, I hesitated and looked back.

“Mom, just think of this as exposure work. This is good for you!” said E smiling and making sure I didn’t make a run for the exit.  My 15 year old, who had heard me a million times talk about how exposure work is the very best way to deal with anxiety, was pushing my own advice back in my face.

“Come on Mom, you can do this,” said Z, taking another angle. “You’ll love it. It’s so easy. I was nervous the first time, but it’s fun!”

“It’s just that this is not relaxing for me,” I said, still fretting and considering my options. “The lazy river is just my speed. It’s ok. We all have different things that make us happy.”

“You know, my little brother who is 9 AND my Mom did this ride last year and loved it,” added their buddy, upping the pressure.  “Come on Aunt Kristin, if they can handle it, so can you.”

“Girls, you cannot shame me into riding this water slide.  I’m not embarrassed. I just don’t like being up so very high.”

But I knew that the ride would be smooth and pretty easy once I overcame the anticipation of walking up the high, open air stair case.  Every other minute or so, I imagined what would happen if I panicked on the stairs. Would I run back down? Crawl? Would someone need to carry me? 

All ridiculous thoughts, but typical of the anxious brain frantically searching for escape routes and answers to “what if” scenarios.

I also knew that making my way up the flight of stairs was good role modeling for all the girls – both the ones encouraging me to go and the one who also found it scary. Trying to look up and not over the edge, I kept climbing, making the decision to keep going with every step.

When we got to the top, there were four slide choices. The girls were quickly talking about which slide was best and which was the slowest, meaning a good choice for me.  I asked the ride workers (who were maybe 20 years old) which of the 4 slides was the easiest. “I’m a little nervous and this is my first time,” I said.

A young man, with a thick accent and name tag showing he was from Ukraine, smiled and said, “Yes, it is good. You sit here.”  And, with a little push, I was on my way.

I heard the girls cheering as I took off down the slide. It was relaxing and beautiful like they said it would be.  Late afternoon sunlight made it’s way through the tree tops and sparkled on the water.  I found myself smiling, feeling the breeze in my face and leaning into the curves with contentment. Going down the “big” drop at the end was exciting and, all in all, the ride was over too quickly.

Getting out, I received cheers from my family & friends. I was a little shaky from the anticipation, but genuinely happy.

There’s a scene in Lemony Snicket that resonated with me, reading it the day after my ride.

“Are you ready?” Klaus asked finally.

“No,” Sunny answered.

“Me neither,” Violet said, “but if we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives. Let’s go.”

I wasn’t ready to go on the ride or deal with being nervous.  Putting off things like that until tomorrow or the next time or when we’re ready is an attempt to feel brave without action.  But underneath there is a part of us that wants to experience all of life and urges us forward, whispering alongside the fear - yes!

Saying yes to my girls and to life felt good. Saying yes to anxiety and facing it almost always feels very good after the fact. It’s the saying yes part, the feeling of shaky legs and racing thoughts that has to come first.

We walked out of the park as afternoon turned into early evening, hand in hand retelling stories from the day.  Turning back toward the entrance, we saw our friends at the top of the Colossal Curl, a stair case rising 70 feet above the ground, waving like crazy and smiling. 

"That was an awesome ride," my teens said with their father agreeing.  I love that feeling of being both scared and excited, they added.  We all jumped up and down and waved back.  It had been a glorious day just being together, laughing and creating memories. We were good tired, happy and as we hopped into the car, I said, "Let's go."

Weekend Treatment Groups

Reid Wilson is getting ready to hold a few weekend treatment groups for people with panic disorder and OCD. Check out his website and get ready for a life changing weekend! You can read about my experience here.

If you live in the Chicago area, Dave Carbonell is also holding a 10 week panic attacks treatment group this coming Fall 2011.

Has anyone else attended either of these groups? If yes, what did you think? Does anyone have other resources they'd like to share?

Upcoming Fall Workshops

I know it's the beginning of July and crazy hot (over 100 degrees here today!), but let's look forward to two wonderful workshops available this Fall.

For those of you who live in/around the mid-west, Dave Carbonell is holding a weekend workshop for people with panic attacks. It will be held in Chicago, IL on October 23rd - 24th, 2010. For more information, check out this link. I've never met Dave, but his writing style is so appealing to me and I love his sense of humor. I think this would be well worth your time and money.

If you live close to North Carolina, Reid Wilson is also holding a weekend workshop and it's excellent. His workshop is for people with panic attacks and social anxiety. It will be held in Durham, N.C. on September 11th - 12th, 2010. Reid Wilson has more dates listed at this site.

These guys are both excellent clinicians. I attended Dr. Wilson's workshop almost two years ago and got so much out of it. What would have been even more helpful was to have a group of people working toward their goals to jump into when I got back home. Although, I think that's possible to do online. You can expect to jump right in and work on some of your fears while you're at the workshop. If you're considering attending, you can read a little about my experience here.

Stay cool and I'll check back in with a post on chapter 3 this weekend!

Day Eight - Pushing Forward

A quick update on Day Eight:

I went driving over the bridge this morning and further down the highway than I've been in over a year. I did a test drive with a fellow superhero last night and felt crazy nervous. This morning, though, I think that attitude of willing to feel anxious helped a great deal. I was also really inspired by my friend who got on the highway last night after not doing so for 10 years. If you were on the road you might have seen our superhero capes flying!

Tonight, I had been invited to attend a financial book group and I only knew one of the women. Standing at the sink washing dishes, I thought about not going because I was tired, it was late and, really, hadn't I already done my anxiety work today? That's the thing about putting your goals out in the open, I felt like if I was going to do this challenge, I really had to go for it. So, off into the cold night I went and had a really nice time.

I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm starting to feel a little more like myself and the din of anxiety radio is beginning to weaken.

Day Four - Brain in Training

I remember sitting in the weekend workshop last fall and hearing Dr. Wilson say, "Getting rid of resistance is one of your biggest goals." Even though we know intellectually that nothing dangerous will happen when anxiety and panic arise - we do know that, don't we? - it's so easy to get caught up in the what if's and feel like, "I can't do exposure today. I feel too anxious. That means something bad will happen. Maybe I should wait for another day".

In This Emotional Life, David Barlow, Ph.D. said something I loved about our thoughts and catastrophic predictions. He said, "Don't believe everything you think!" Even if they're not true, we tend to believe these thoughts because we're the ones thinking them.

Sitting at the computer on day four, I've completed 4 driving practices so far, 1 social practice and relaxation every day. Here's a quick update!

Day two - I woke up feeling anxious, kind of raw and tired. You know those mornings when you just don't feel like going out there and doing the work. I'm having lots of those as I work through this resistance. Pushing myself, I drove the bridge loop again and made it longer, adding another exit with a smaller bridge that used to be my nemesis!

Feeling really anxious before even starting, I found myself both asking the symptoms to increase and hoping them away at the same time. The first loop was pretty good, but here's something interesting. Because I was feeling so raw, I thought during the second loop, "it's ok if I turn on some music to keep my mind a little distracted. I just need it today. It's no big deal."

Well, that small act of adding a crutch sent a message to my brain that this was more dangerous than previously anticipated. I got to the mid-way point, turned around at the exit and boom, big waves of anxiety were pulsing through my body. My automatic thoughts were, "Uh oh. I'm in trouble here. I'm feeling really bad, I've got my child in the car & I'm going to have to call someone to pick us up on the side of the road."

Then, I remembered the truth. In 14 years of dealing with anxiety, nothing bad has ever happened and fighting only makes it worse. Knowing it was the only way to go, I said again out loud, "Hit me. Come on anxiety - come and get me. I'm not even fighting back. I want to feel adrenaline coursing through my body by the time we hit the bridge." I dropped my shoulders again and even put my right hand out, as if to say, "I give". What else was I going to do?

Making my way across the bridge, looking over the water and city skyline, I continued to feel strong physical sensations, like I was buzzing with adrenaline. However, when I dropped my guard, I was able to step back and notice that even though it was uncomfortable, the symptoms weren't getting worse, I was driving very well and everything was alright. I felt like this was good practice, what I need to be doing every day.

At this point, I really should have done a third loop to cement the learning. And, this sounds like an excuse, but my 2 year old was getting a little tired of looking for trucks and birds as we went "Sunday driving". This is one of the challenges of finding ways to fit this work into our daily lives.

I tell you what . . . this feels like I'm training for a marathon some days. We are biologically wired to protect ourselves from these feelings, even if they are irrational. Dropping the resistance and choosing to feel it all is exhausting work. When I did my first triathlon, I competed while wearing my "Team in Training" singlet. I think those of us out there doing exposure work should be wearing a team shirt that says, "Brain in Training"!

If you're joining me for 30 days of exposure, here's a great read (very short) about how to know if you're succeeding. I know that I'm not doing all these things regularly, but it's a good reminder of where to set our compass.

Day One - Getting Started

Today's practice was a 10 mile loop over the downtown bridge and back, which I did three times in a row. The practice was pretty typical: I felt most anxious the first time and was almost bored with it by the third. What helped the most were the paradoxical techniques of asking anxiety symptoms to increase, purposefully repeating anxiety provoking phrases, and dropping my guard. Knowing intellectually that nothing bad ever happens, I physically dropped the tension in my shoulders and said outloud, "Hit me. Come on. Give you your best shot. I can handle it."

I felt hopeful as I finished up that practice, the sun was shining and I thought of all the opportunities in life when anxiety does not rule decision making. I love that dreamy space where everything is a possibility. I even dreamed of the article I'd write after these 30 days are over when I'm feeling so much better.

As evening finds me anxious and tense again, obsessing on how I'm always going to feel this way, I'm trying to remind myself that this is what I expected. There would be no challenge if it was easy from the beginning. Long term conditioning will take a while to reverse. It's normal to be worrying that tomorrow and the days to follow won't be as smooth; that I won't be able to take on harder challenges. But, that's ok. I expected that and can handle whatever arises.

Looking forward to stirring up more trouble for myself tomorrow.

I'll be checking in a couple times per week -- see you soon!

Preparing: 30 Day Challenge Begins this Monday 1/4/10

Happy New Year!

I hope one of your New Years resolutions is to join me in the 30 day exposure challenge and begin changing your relationship with anxiety. This is not easy work, but I know we can do it together! Some of you may be ready to jump right in while others may watch from the sidelines as they design a program that feels right for them. Still others may be working through 30 days of healthy habits that will create positive change in their lives.

Everyone goes at their own speed and has different goals. The idea is to start with something and begin now, not waiting for a day where you feel like doing it or have less stress or whatever other excuse tugs at you to just stick with the status quo. If you're already uncomfortable. . . why not start today?

My goal is to stop worshiping at the altar of anxiety this year. My hope is that by following a 30 day program of exposure to my feared situations and thoughts, along with a course of relaxation and basic self care, I'll find myself further along the path to recovery. I know that I'm hard wired to default to anxiety when stress comes knocking. Part of that is biology and part years of conditioning. Research shows that these types of practices help smooth out those well worn grooves and perhaps they won't be so deep and easy to slide into in the future. I'm also hoping this will inspire others to take back their lives, moving forward with or without anxiety.

I can't tell you how many people I've spoken with recently who have been experiencing similar feelings. Many talk about having a low to mid-level feeling of anxiety, thoughts like anxiety radio streaming through, or simply a feeling of unease most days. Others experience panic with some regularity and fear it's return. Some talk about waking up each morning with anxiety coursing through their bodies like electricity.

All of these people go on with their days to do amazing things.

Exposure and anxiety work can be a mixed bag, just like life. Some days, I throw on the cowgirl boots and cruise across the bridge, meet someone for coffee and make travel plans. I feel like I can conquer the world and I'm filled with dreamy inspiration. Other days, I think being a hermit isn't such a bad idea; I'm sure my anxiety will always have the upper hand and wreak havoc on my life (catastrophic thinking & fortune telling for you CBT buffs).

That's just the nature of the beast and I can expect and prepare for both types of days to pop up. As we all know, feeling states are not static - happy, sad, anxious, angry, joyful, surprised, nervous, elated - all have their moment and none stick around forever.

So, enough of the intro and pep talk, are you ready to roll up your sleeves and get down to work? My 30 day challenge begins Monday, January 4th, 2010 and finishes up Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010.

"Here's the basic strategy. Get anxious on purpose. Once you are anxious, encourage the symptoms to continue for a long time. During this time, stop worrying and start supporting yourself. Let go of your safety crutches. Do this over and over, in all your fearful situations."
(R. Reid Wilson, Ph.D., pg. 33, Facing Panic)

I have many great books and workbooks that help with anxiety, but I'm narrowing this challenge to one and I will be working out of Facing Panic as my main guide. Here are three that I highly recommend and two very helpful websites. Choose a plan that feels good to you, map out your daily goals and stick with it. Here's what my plan entails:

Daily:

Relaxation & Calming Skills (Chart 1)

*Natural breathing (10xday) -- about 2 minutes
*Calming breath (10xday) - 2-3 minutes
*Progressive muscle relaxation (2xday - am & pm) - about 10 minutes

Exposure:
I'm going to choose from the following each day. Some days I'll be able to do more than others, but the idea is to do something each day.

*Interoceptive exposure (charts 2 and 3)
*Practicing with feared situations (charts 4, 5, 6 & 7)
*Cognitive exposure/Setting aside time to worry (read this)

Ok, so let's get started! If you're joining me in any capacity, please leave a comment and let me know how your progress is coming along! This is a place to talk about days that aren't going so smoothly, as well as a place to celebrate your victories.

30 Day Exposure Challenge Coming Soon!

So, we all know that the best way to knock down the anxiety bully is through exposure to the things you most fear. In January, I'll be starting a 30 day Exposure Challenge & I hope you'll join me for the ride. What will this look like? How do you fit exposure into a busy lifestyle? We'll be talking about that & more in the weeks to come.

While my husband, thankfully, does not deal with anxiety, he's joining me with a challenge of his own. His challenge - 30 days of exercise! So, consider getting your spouse, partner or a friend to challenge themselves in whatever areas of their lives need attention; bring the idea to your therapist; & jump in whenever you're ready.

If you're interested in ways to structure your exposure practice, I highly recommend these three books:

Facing Panic - Self Help for People with Panic Attacks

Don't Panic (revised edition)

Panic Attacks Workbook - a Guided Program for Beating the Panic Trick

If you open the link to Facing Panic, you'll notice 7 charts below that are available to open & print out. These are great tools to accompany your practice. Check it out!

Happy Holidays!

Face it Fridays!

We're off to our second Face it Friday!

Even though it wasn't Friday, I've been up to some exposure this week - driving some fun interchanges & working on telling people that I've been feeling worse lately. You know, being open about what I'm really feeling. For you non-anxious people out there, this might not seem like such a big deal. But, for the anxious person who really doesn't want to talk about what's bothering her & would rather sweep it under the carpet . . . it's big. Personally, I count that as interpersonal exposure. And, you know what? When I talk about how I'm feeling, it makes me feel better. Novel, right?

Alright, enough resting on my laurels. Today's challenge & moving into the weekend:

*Driving: Crossing the downtown bridge, taking an exit, turning around & coming back on over.
*Interpersonal: Whenever appropriate, sharing what's going on in regards to my anxiety. Not making a big deal of it, just disclosing.
*Professional: I'm teaching this weekend - working with whatever comes up during this time.

Something that's really important about exposure is that success does not mean entering a feared situation (or working with fearful thoughts) and not feeling anxious. Success means showing up and accepting how you feel, maybe even inviting more symptoms. Whatever happens, you can handle it.

So, I had a nice drive across this bridge this morning. This is the second time in a week that I've done this route & it felt much better this time. I did use one crutch by calling my husband beforehand. We had a nor'easter here the night before, and I (rationalized) thought it only appropriate to call & make sure nothing was flooded out downtown. And, just in case you were wondering, the bridge was bone dry & the flood wall seemed to hold up just fine.

I'd love to hear if you've been inspired to do any exposure work! Have a great weekend stirring up trouble for yourselves!

Face it Fridays!

I'd love to say that I've been conquering my every fear these days, super hero cape flying in the wind . . . but truth be told, I've taken to struggling with my anxiety lately & even feeding that sly little gorilla when no one is looking these past few weeks.

I know, struggling and resisting and avoiding (oh my!), make anxiety SO much worse.

So, when I start feeling like I've slid down that slippery slope & am looking at an uphill battle I do one of two things. Sometimes, I jump right into lots of exposure & it makes me feel worse at first & then so much better as I realize that I've been tricked by fear again. What we fear might happen - our worst what if's - never truly come to light. And, even the uncomfortable stuff, is still manageable.

My second route is to hide it, don't tell anyone & quietly freak out a little while going on with my life. Sure, I'm still showing up, but all the while hoping that anxiety stands me up. People with anxiety frequently have the super power of an amazing imagination & this can get us into trouble as we see and feel the terrible things we are SURE will come true.

After I've felt bad for a while, I start opening up and talking to people, and, slowly, it doesn't seem so terrible. Then it's time to do some more exposure work.

So, what a perfect opportunity to begin "Face it Fridays!" Every Friday I'm going to set an exposure goal for myself, write about it & hope that others will join me for the adventure!

Today I chose a driving exposure goal -- to drive downtown through harrowing interchanges, take a bridge-like exit onto the expressway & come out alive on the other side! This is not part of my daily driving life & I really don't like how this particular exit feels like a roller coaster. So, first thing after dropping my older children off at school, my toddler & I set off for adventure. I wore my cowgirl boots for added spunk & confidence. As I approached the exit, I did feel my heart beating faster & a rush of adrenaline. I remembered Dr. Wilson's advice of asking your anxiety to make your symptoms worse. "Come on anxiety, give me your best shot!"

The excitement was short lived - the exit was no big deal & I wasn't able to physically make myself more anxious. I called my husband to tell him the news.

Me: "Babe, so I just drove over the roller coaster exit & I lived to tell the story."

Him: "Seriously? You made it out alive?"

Me: "Yeah, and I know this may come as a surprise, but it was really no big deal at all."

Him: "Wow, that's shocking."

So, maybe my superhero cape was flying a little bit today and maybe, just maybe I'm really an adrenaline junkie at heart.

I'd love to hear about how you've been inviting your fears this week!

Anxiety Coach has got a brand new bag

If you haven't been on Dave Carbonell's site recently, head on over and check out the new look! His newsletter is fantastic, as well, and I encourage you to sign up and enjoy the information and inspiration. Here's the email I just received from his website:

"You may recall that I suspended publication of my Anxiety Coach® newsletter this summer in order to upgrade the website. I'm now ready to resume publishing the newsletter. If you want to receive it, please visit the site at http://www.anxietycoach.com/newsletter.html and sign up again.

Please do this now, so you don't miss any issues. If you don't want to receive the newsletter any longer, just discard this e-mail and you will no longer be on the list.

I also want to invite you to stop by the new website, at www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com> . There is a lot of new material, including more articles about panic and worry.

Feedback about the site, suggestions for articles, and reporting typos are always welcome!

Best,
Dave Carbonell, Ph.D.
www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com>
A self help guide for recovery from fears and phobias"

http://www.youtube.com/davecarbonell
My anxiety self-help videos on YouTube

Travelogue Part Two - In Flight Adventures

So I'll be honest with you. I was not happy to be sitting on that first plane before 7am in the morning.

As the aircraft sped up to takeoff speed & gradually lifted off the ground, soaring upward towards the clouds, I felt waves of anxiety coursing through my body. I figured that I had two choices: freak out the whole way to the Carribean or do my best to accept that I was going to be 35,000 feet in the air for a few more hours and get as comfortable as possible.

I thought about my tool belt of coping skills and started saying to myself, "I want this anxiety. I want it to get stronger." And, you know what? It was working. I couldn't make the symptoms any stronger than they already were.

Then, I thought about Dave Carbonell's "Rule of Opposites" - doing the opposite of what feels "safe" in an anxiety provoking situation. So, instead of pulling down the shades & pretending I wasn't on a plane, I started looking out the windows. I found that I really do like to see the tree tops, little tiny houses, and the outline of roads. Who lives in those homes & what is their story, I wondered.

Something else that really helped was the Truth Based Technique I read about in David Burn's book. I wrote in my notebook:
*How many times have I gotten so anxious that I ran down the aisle of the plane screaming?
*How many times have planes had to land for me because I absolutely couldn't handle symptoms of anxiety?
*How many times have I curled up in the fetal position under my chair & cried until it was all over?
Ahem, I think we know the answers to all of the above.


There were more moments with waves of fear and extended periods of time where I felt that pit in my stomach , but it was all manageable & my skills came in handy. Before I knew it, we were in Atlanta & preparing to board our second flight.

For our second flight, the longer flight, our seats were in the back of the plane. I'm not sure why the back of the plane is worse, but I kinda feel more claustrophobic back there. Our flight time was 3 hours & 12 minutes (but whose counting) & in my head I felt like a 2.5 hour flight would be so much easier. Isn't it funny how our brains make up rules about what's safe & what's not?

Once we found our seats, we looked at each other at the same time -- we were definitely in the "party" section of the plane. Three babies were in the back with us & some rowdy folks were starting the party early with cocktails. I wondered if some of them were drinking to cope with their own anxiety. A moment before take off, the 5 year old cherub behind me started to giggle & said, "Hey Mom! What if the plane catches on fire & we crash? Wouldn't that be cool?!"

Hey kid - who asked you? Huh?

Finally, we landed in St. Thomas, USVI - just a ferry & a few taxi rides away from our final destination, St. John. The whole plane cheered & clapped at the successful landing. Steve & I stepped off the plane, walked down the roll away staircase out onto the tarmac & just kept grinning. This was going to be a blast.

So, let's recap. What helped?

*Showing up & being willing to try something that creates anxiety
*Paradox/Bring it on mentality/Make the symptoms stronger
(Reid Wilson, Don't Panic - newly revised)
*Truth based techniques (David Burns, When Panic Attacks)
*Rule of Opposites (Dave Carbonell, Panic Attacks Workbook)
*Supportive mate
*Engaging with others/humor
*Being ok if none of these worked

Stay tuned! The next installment will be about our adventures in paradise!

Get out your social calendars!

If you have Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety, OCD or a fear of flying check your calendars! There are a few great opportunities coming up!

*Reid Wilson is holding a weekend treatment group for folks with Panic Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder the weekend of May 2-3, 2009 & again August 29-30, 2009. His offices are in Durham, North Carolina & pretty accessible from the highway. He only takes 8 people, so give him a ring & see if the group is a good fit for you.

Dr. Wilson's weekend treatment group for OCD is going to be held May 16-17, 2009 & again September 12-13, 2009.

*Dave Carbonell is "preparing to start another class for people with a fear of flying this spring. The class, which includes a group flight, will meet weekly in Rolling Meadows for five weeks, so it's suitable only for people who live in the Chicago area." For information, send a blank e-mail to: flying@anxietycoach.com

Know of more great resources like these? Share them!

Dave Carbonell talks about "The Panic Trick"

Have you checked out Dave Carbonell's workbook yet? It's fantastic - go grab one! You can also see him here as he talks about panic as an insidious trick. True, the video quality is not fancy, but the message is really good. This video is part one of two. What do you think?

A Drop in the Ocean

What an inspiring week it's been! No matter what side of the aisle you sit on, you have to admit that the collective strength of people working together has been powerful! From witnessing hundreds & thousands of service projects to seeing people of all backgrounds gathering together on the mall to cheer on our new President, it's been amazing & inspiring.

It can also be powerful to daydream about how you are using your life to create a little magic in the world. About how the thing that makes you happiest may just be your gift to the world. How even if you are house bound with agoraphobia, you can still reach out and be of service from working on a heartfelt cause on your computer; to knitting caps for newborns (check out more sites like this); to even baking cookies for the unsung, under appreciated heroes in our lives. Hey, and delivering cookies to the public school's lunch ladies (and making eye contact) could be exposure practice for folks who don't leave home much.

Frederick Buechner said, "the vocation for you is the one in which your deep gladness and the world's deep need meet. When you are doing something you are happiest doing it must also be something that the world needs to have done."

Stretch, dream, grow. You have a beautiful life and gifts to share. It doesn't have to be big. In the words of Mother Theresa, "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."

I'm a little bit country. . .

Who grew up in the 70's and doesn't remember watching "The Donny & Marie" show? Love him or not, you have to admire the man for making his struggle with panic & social anxiety public in an effort to educate and normalize the disorder. Here's an interview with the anxiety super hero in 2000, but the information is still relevant today.

What are you willing to risk?

So, I've been talking about this weekend treatment group I attended in November with Reid Wilson – a world renowned psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Something he asked right from the beginning was, what have you avoided or given up as a result of your anxiety? And, now, what are you willing to risk to gain those things back?

So much of the work is a change of attitude and asking the question every time anxiety arises – what am I willing to risk? If I’m feeling anxious one day & someone asks to meet for coffee – am I willing to risk that I might feel anxious & that they might notice? Because, choosing NOT to go because of something that MIGHT happen will only strengthen the anxiety. Choosing to have someone else join us or having an out is still avoidance and strengthens the anxiety as well.

The second piece of that attitude shift is learning to love my anxiety – to get excited that I’ll have another opportunity to practice with feelings of anxiety and doubt/uncertainty. That’s a hard attitude shift, but the only way to win. As Dr.Wilson said, we’ve been worshipping at the altar of anxiety for far too long – We bow down and plead – “Please anxiety, I’ll do anything – just please don’t make me feel edgy & out of control – I can’t bear it”. The shift also encompasses changing your relationship with anxiety. When you begin feeling nervous – perhaps the adrenaline is flowing through your chest, your heart is pounding and you’re telling yourself that bad things are about to happen - you can talk to your anxiety & ask it to make the symptoms stronger. If you’re going to feel symptoms anyways, why not surprise the bully and invite anxiety to take it’s coat off and stay a while.

Something I loved about the weekend was Reid’s “Anxiety Disorders Game” that we played during lunch and night time breaks. We all got score cards and were able to earn points by doing some of the following:

*Deciding what anxiety provoking event we would enter and following through.
*Truly wanting anxiety to show up and asking for more when it did (with an understanding of why we were practicing this way).
*Extra points could be scored for every minute you asked for more anxiety and you got your wish.

A fly on the wall might have overheard people planning their practices like this:

“Well, I think I’m gonna go to lunch, keep changing my order & maybe spill my drink on purpose. I hate drawing attention to myself, so that should make me really uncomfortable. Afterwards, I’ll probably ride in the big elevator and try to make myself hyperventilate.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go driving around the city, try to get lost & then find my way back. That should get me good & panicky. You do have your cell phone on, right?”

“I’m going to ride in the back of someone’s car with the windows up, heat on & the music blaring. I think that will trigger my claustrophobia and earn me some bonus points.”

On Sunday, during our lunch practice, I drove myself on the downtown expressway for a meal at Elmo’s Diner (delicious!). Reid reminded me that once I got to my destination, and knew where I was, I would probably feel comfortable. Since the weekend was about working with anxiety, discomfort and doubt, he encouraged me to try & think of ways I could make myself more uncomfortable. I was also looking for ways to score more points in the game.

So, as I sat down at the counter, ordered and found myself happy and making small talk with local folks, I remembered what Reid had said. Then something came to mind. Part of my anxiety is feeling embarrassed about it. Oh shit, I thought, as I pulled out my “Self Help for People with Panic Attacks” book and read it at the counter while eating my lunch. As I read, I made sure that the cover was very visible to all those sitting at the counter and to those waiting in line. I thought about how I had encouraged a person with social anxiety to skip through the mall as a practice and how this was just as hard for me.

I put the book down at one point, asked the couple sitting next to me at the counter for advice on the menu. Scoring a few more points, I thanked them and decided to order something else, letting go of the thought that they might be thinking, “Why did she bother asking?”

Coming back from lunch, I put my points on the board, grabbed a prize out of the basket (scotch tape!) and settled in to talk about my experience and learn from the experiences of others. The signs posted around the room reminded me that these were my road maps for the anxiety journey ahead.

I want this anxiety.
I want this doubt and uncertainty.
I can handle this.


What's holding you back? What are you willing to risk in your day to day life? And, what are your road maps?

My Treatment Resume

Subtitles: No wonder more people don’t seek out help when they need it; and, What’s up with all the counselors pushing medication?

*Almost done with graduate school, having fun doing exploratory work in counseling (recommended for social workers) & I have my first panic attack driving on the highway in Colorado. Grad school counselor sends me to campus doctor to get a prescription for xanax. Doctor says to take it before driving (label says “don’t operate heavy machinery after using”) & to give up caffeine. Counseling stops with the end of school with the message, “you’ll be fine”.

*6 months later I receive a six week sample pack of Prozac. I take it for six weeks and then stop because of the side effects.

*About a year later, I try again & seek out an anxiety center in my area. The shrink is very nice, we have a great rapport, but he doesn’t really do counseling. He does a thorough social history, establishes that I have excellent memory skills in repeating number sequences and sends me on my way with one month worth of Paxil samples. He, too, offers me xanax & this time I say no thanks. As I’m leaving, he tells me that once I beat my anxiety, I should come back and talk to him about a counseling job. I take Paxil for one month and then stop because of the side effects &, really, this isn’t helping.

*A co-worker recommends her counselor. He says that I just need to relax & have a little fun, lighten up a bit. I say, “I have a great, happy life except for anxiety, which is a pain in the ass”. We try EMDR. I try to help the process along and bring my own treatment plans and info that I’ve gleaned from reading. After a few more sessions & more “relax more & just do yoga” messages, I know that this is not what’s going to help & give up on counseling for a while.

*After having my first two babies, I’m ready to try again. Anxiety doesn’t own me, but I’m not driving on the highway much. I still remember what it felt like before anxiety infringed on my territory and I want it gone. I find more resources & begin reading everything I can find on the subject of “how can I get over this”. I begin exposure work on my own & make progress “taking back the roads”. I set up an appointment with a recommended counselor & it’s not a great fit. I go three times & keep looking.

*Second try: nice lady, a little rough around the edges, but she goes out in the field with clients & I like her spunk. I tell her that I don’t want to do meds, but she says that if I go on celexa for 2 years & do behavioral work at the same time that my anxiety will be gone. I try it, but don’t like it. I switch to Zoloft & stay on it for about 6 mos. We drive a number of bridges and highway stretches together. She’s got the behavioral piece down. I say that I’d like to work on the cognitive piece, that in some places on the highway, I’m still feeling really anxious & there must be something I can be doing differently. She says, I’m not sure why the exposure isn’t working for you, keep trying & the anxiety will go away. We part ways & I keep working on my own.

*Third try: I contact a psychologist friend of mine & say, Look this time I really need to find someone who’s an EXPERT on this anxiety stuff, won’t push meds & is up on the current research. I find Dr. C. who is fantastic & I really like, but still encourages I try meds. She’s worked in anxiety for years & has trained most of the area clinicians in CBT. I go on Lexapro & do a lot of great work with her. She says that I’m a dream client, that no one works as hard as I do and that it’s part biology & that I really need to work on acceptance. “I know you don’t want anxiety, but you got it. You have to accept what is.” True, acceptance is important, but I’m still feeling like with all the work I’m doing, I’m still missing an important piece. After monthly visits for a year, I feel done for the time being.

*I go off Lexapro during my 3rd pregnancy, experience big waves of panic in my third trimester and it comes back with a vengeance at about 12 -14 weeks postpartum. I go back for 2 or 3 “booster sessions” with Dr. C. and go back on Lexapro (after getting the green light from my midwife & an international breastfeeding expert). Things get better slowly. I come out of hiding and begin telling everyone. This helps tremendously & others begin sharing their stories. I’m dying for community. I start up a workbook study group (with some very cool, fellow anxiety super heroes) that meets inconsistently for a couple of months & fizzles out.

*Currently – I’m “off the junk” & not seeing a counselor. I don’t have anxiety mastered as much as I would like, but I'm realizing that what I was missing was not just the acceptance, but inviting & provoking the symptoms and, yes, acceptance. Good practice means doing something that guarantees that I'll feel anxious. I wish I could transport Dave Carbonell, Reid Wilson or David Burns to my hometown so that I could work with an anxiety guru and kick this thing once and for all (well, at least feel stronger in my skills and ready for the expected ups & downs).

Looking back over all the steps it’s taken to get good treatment, I see why so many people can live with this disorder much of their lives and never learn to beat it. Access to good information, counseling & community (plus a big dose of tenacity) makes a huge difference. When I get to be an anxiety master, I am going to open my own clinic & help offer others a more efficient path. More about that later!