Mind Traps

"When you go beyond seeing words as words, you're buying into the illusion your mind creates. The thoughts shift from being thoughts to being something dangerously serious. And when that happens, you'll often find yourself trapped in old behavior patterns that are neither helpful nor in your best interest. We call this a mind trap." (pg. 70)

Come again? The idea of a mind trap is actually pretty simple and people (with or without anxiety) do it all the time. Mind traps occur when we make up stories in our heads and respond as if those thoughts are true. If we've imagined something scary, our bodies begin making lots of adrenaline and our physical symptoms kick in, followed by more scary thoughts. Of course, this is a great recipe for a panic attack and, over time, it simply becomes habit.

I remember a few years back, my husband took our older girls to a festival. When I couldn't reach him by phone, I started to imagine that one of the kids got lost and he wasn't answering until he found her. I imagined her lost in the crowd and crying for us - it was horrible. Even though I knew this scenario was highly unlikely, I found myself believing my imagination and feeling more and more anxious until I was able to reach my husband. The reality was that they were having so much fun that he didn't hear the phone and everyone came home happy.

I so identified with Brene Brown's video when she asked the audience "what happens next?" My brain runs disastrous headlines on a daily basis. Sometimes I shrug them off and other times I get a little wave of adrenaline. What if it's a sign?

Leaving the pool with my three year old while hubby and the girls stay behind.

"Little did they know that would be the last time anyone saw them alive".

The phone rings before 8am in the morning.

"And that's when she first heard that (insert name) had passed away during the night".

Even though it doesn't feel like it, we do have a choice in how we respond to thoughts like:

What if?

It would be terrible if . . .

I'm going to have a panic attack and then . . .(this terrible thing will happen). . .

"One of the most courageous things you can do when your WAF's (worries, anxieties and fears) show up is to sit still with them and not do as they say." (pg. 76)

This week, I invite you to just notice when your mind starts to set a trap for you. See if you can simply watch the thought without having to respond to it. There's an exercise on page 76 in our summer book called "Mind Watching" - it's a good one. And, if you're not reading the book, try sitting with some basic meditation every day for as long as you like. I'm going to aim for 5 - 10 minutes a day and see how it goes!

What if?

One morning, after dropping my two "big kids" off at school, I was walking to the car holding my baby. "Whashat?" she babbled and pointed to this large, gray, generator looking thing outside of the school. It was noisy and seemed to have seen better days. As I scanned my brain for the name of it to tell her, the thoughts calmly enter my head and start to build, "What if it blows up? Oh my God, I've got TWO children in there." The frames come quickly now - the building in flames, rescue workers on site, rushing up to the building to find my babies. Now, I'm not getting worked up, but I am realizing that I'm allowing myself to entertain this improbable occurrence as if it was real. My brain is asking the question, "Is this safe?" and scanning for ways to get them out if that ever happened.

Most people who deal with anxiety like to know how they would handle any situation imaginable if it happened to them.

"Babe," I said to my husband the other night, "What would you do if you heard someone down stairs breaking into our house?"

"What? That would never happen. I guess I'd . . ."

"Well, I tell you what I'd do. First I would call 911, quickly in a whisper; then I'd keep them on the line, so that the police could not only here what was going on, but could trace the address and get there faster."

"Wow, you've really thought this through," he says looking stunned.

"Yeah, then we'd grab the girls and lock ourselves in the room, open the window and scream loudly as we climbed out. Our neighbors are pretty aware & would come running. Haven't you ever thought about what you'd do?"

"Uh, yeah, no. My brain just doesn't go there."

Tell me, superheroes, does your brain go there? Do you experience normal anxious thoughts, but take them a bit too far when it comes to planning elaborate escapes & daring rescues? I look forward to hearing from you!