This too shall pass

Ok, so no one could ever accuse me of being current with all things hip. I understand that this video was "everywhere" in January, even though it came into my universe this morning. My husband couldn't believe I had never seen it and pulled it up on YouTube. When we should have been finishing the kids lunches and getting shoes on, the five of us watched and danced a little before heading off to work, school and the playground. Everyone lovingly rolled their eyes when they realized that the end of this song brought tears to my eyes. I'm not sure why - maybe it was the big band finish (I was in the high school marching band), the fabulous creativity or the fact that music bypasses my brain and goes straight to emotion for me.

I love the message of "this too shall pass - let it go" and thought it fitting to share in this space. This phrase reminds me to be ever present and move slowly through all of life's moments. We can find comfort in the fact that emotional turbulence will not last forever. And, an equally, if not more, important message is to wake up to the joy and beauty in our every day lives, because those moments pass, as well. We don't have to feel calm or "together" to be awake to our lives, we only have to show up.

What moments have you been awake to today - what beauty have you seen?

Hugging my girls, looking into their eyes and telling them that I love them; laughing with my handsome husband this morning; holding my 3 year old's soft, tiny hand; watching clouds roll through the breezy sky; taking time to listen to the sounds of outdoors and feel the crisp morning air; making home made pizza dough at my child's pace as she stirred the flour up to her elbows and snitched dough; children racing through the grass to see brilliant green caterpillars at our school garden; listening to a foreign language being spoken; people connecting and reaching out to one another; etc.

Home again

I'm just getting settled back in after being away for two weeks. My Mom and Step-Dad live by the water and we had the chance to house sit for them while they adventured off to Alaska. It was so nice to be away and long enough that I was excited as we drove back into our cozy, little neighborhood this past weekend. One of these days, we'll have enough money to fly our family of five somewhere exotic, but for now, house sitting in a beautiful location was just what we all needed.

As I was getting our kitchen back in order the other night, I found myself needing to take frequent breaks and pop into some favorite blogs. (Speaking of distraction - this is fabulous ice cream and you can sub 1 tsp vanilla extract for the vanilla bean.) I also found this wonderful video by Brene Brown. I was so touched by her talk and am still processing what she had to say. Enjoy and I'd love to hear what you think.

Watch live streaming video from tedxkc at livestream.com

"Intense anxiety is not in itself a problem"

I know, did we read that right on page 60? Isn't that what we struggle and fight not to feel, worrying that we'll be washed away in all that misplaced intensity?

Let's look at that again: "Intense anxiety is not in itself a problem. Many people experience intense anxiety, even panic attacks, in their daily lives and continue to do what's important to them." " Intensely felt emotions need not be a barrier . . . they can be welcomed in as a vital part of you." (p. 60)

We know from research that when people accept or even invite their anxiety, it often dissipates. But this takes that notion one step further. Is it possible to welcome anxiety as a vital part of ourselves? Is there value to our anxiety that we're overlooking? Anxiety, energy and excitement are so closely related. Some even say that anxiety might be linked with their energy source and, used with intention, can be useful.

The other morning I woke up feeling tense and anxious. I started thinking "what if I used my adrenaline to my advantage - you know, jump into my high energy tasks and/or exercise when my engine is already revved up?" I remembered watching PBS's "This Emotional Life" a few months back. During episode two, there was a writer who said that his anxiety started getting better when he realized it was something he could learn to use; his anxiety was like his own personal caffeine pump. Accepting what is and making anxiety work for you - now there's a concept!

Something I'm enjoying about this read is the way the authors are turning old, stubborn beliefs onto their heads. If intense anxiety is not a problem or a barrier to doing what's important to you, imagine the possibilities!

The Phobia Workshop Sketch

My Dad sent this to me and it's really cute!



However, this sketch has had me thinking about the stereotype of someone with an anxiety disorder. Most of the people I know with anxiety and panic are outgoing, empathic, bright people. They aren't actually afraid of things like driving, elevators or public speaking. Those are just the situations where they have experienced a panic attack before and conditioning has quickly set in. They're afraid that when panic shows up, it will be so intense that something catastrophic will occur like death or insanity. That's how intense these thoughts and sensations can be.

My husband once suggested that I write a post about all the things that don't create anxiety for me (or that are important enough to do anyways), so here are a few: I've given birth naturally three times - twice at home; I like to rock climb; I've run a marathon and completed a handful of triathlons (2 in open water); Riding on the back of a motorcycle is big fun to me; I like to get past small talk and really connect with people; I teach childbirth classes; I spent a year living on top of a mountain taking kids through caves, behind waterfalls and on long hikes; I can ask the hard questions and sit with other peoples pain; I've talked to my older girls about sex; I have attended about 20 births as a doula.

So, while this is really cute, it's important to remember that anxiety is just one piece of what makes you who you are. Or, as a friend says, "Anxiety is just the Side B to being a highly passionate, creative and empathic person. I wouldn't give one side up for the other."

I'd love to hear what defines you outside of your anxiety!

Spreading Love

My girlfriend Patience has created a "Guerrilla Goodness" challenge for Valentines Day through her inspirational blog, Kindness Girl. I invite you to spread the love everywhere you go and remember to take that message to heart, as well!

Anxiety Coach has got a brand new bag

If you haven't been on Dave Carbonell's site recently, head on over and check out the new look! His newsletter is fantastic, as well, and I encourage you to sign up and enjoy the information and inspiration. Here's the email I just received from his website:

"You may recall that I suspended publication of my Anxiety Coach® newsletter this summer in order to upgrade the website. I'm now ready to resume publishing the newsletter. If you want to receive it, please visit the site at http://www.anxietycoach.com/newsletter.html and sign up again.

Please do this now, so you don't miss any issues. If you don't want to receive the newsletter any longer, just discard this e-mail and you will no longer be on the list.

I also want to invite you to stop by the new website, at www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com> . There is a lot of new material, including more articles about panic and worry.

Feedback about the site, suggestions for articles, and reporting typos are always welcome!

Best,
Dave Carbonell, Ph.D.
www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com>
A self help guide for recovery from fears and phobias"

http://www.youtube.com/davecarbonell
My anxiety self-help videos on YouTube

Just see how it goes

I was reading a blog post a few months back & a phrase popped out at me, "Let's just see how it goes." What a profound life lesson - why not give it a try, just see how it goes. I hear myself saying this to my 8 year old on mornings when she doesn't want to go to school. I hear me saying it to myself when I'm trying something new, a new challenge, something that feels uncomfortable. Sometimes we need to cajole the parts of us that demand to know how everything will turn out before taking a risk.

Just try. . . see how it goes. . . watch your life blossom. . .

This one wild and precious life

The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

*How are you living this one wild and precious life - right now.

4 - 7 Minutes of Fame - YouTube Style

Wow - are you concerned about the dramatic rise in babies born by cesarean? I firmly believe that every woman should have the informed choice to birth how ever she wants. I also firmly believe that we are lucky to have this medical miracle to help save the lives of mothers and babies in emergency situations. But did you know that cesarean rates have surpassed 30% nationally and the US ranks 29th in the world for infant mortality rates? Something needs to change. Here's an exciting opportunity - pass it on!

Birth Matters Virginia announces a birth video contest!

* 1st place prize: $1000 * 2nd place prize: $500 * Honorable Mention: $100 * Deadline for Entry is 11:59pm on Mother's Day, May 10, 2009*

As the national rate of c-sections surpasses 30%, it is more important than ever for women and their partners to be educated about the options they have during pregnancy and birth. Our organization works to improve the culture of birth in Virginia by promoting an evidence-based model of maternity care and supporting care providers who practice mother and baby-friendly care.

A series of feature length films (starting with the Business of Being Born). have inspired women to make decisions about their maternity care as carefully as they make other consumer decisions. Demand for evidence-based models of care is rising, and there is hope that we can turn the tide of medically unnecessary surgeries and interventions, saving them for when they are truly needed for the safety of the mother or baby.

As a step toward our goal of educating women about their choices and options, we are soliciting short videos about evidence-based maternity and delivery care. We want videos that will appeal to and inspire new audiences that may not have previously been exposed to any model of childbirth other than the version we see on television and in movies: dangerous, uncertain, excruciating, and usually in need of extensive and often emergency medical interventions. Birth doesn’t have to be this scary, and people need good information in order to make good choices.

We are thrilled to announce guest judges:
Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, acclaimed producers of The Business of Being Born.
Sarah Buckley, M.D., international birth expert and author of Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering.

The first-place winner will receive a cash prize of $1000. Second place: $500 and Honorable Mention: $100.

For rules and to see how to enter, please visit http://www.birthmattersva.org/videocontest.html

You can also join our Facebook group (whether or not you intend to make a video) to get updates about the contest and exchange ideas with other participants at
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=73753459808#/group.php?sid=e146cf29ff029d1148a6a465af742146&gid=73753459808

And if you have questions, email Sarah at Richmond@birthmattersva.org

Untapped Creativity

After writing my last post, I was thinking about how people with anxiety - who have lots of "what if" scenarios - may have an untapped source of creativity. Think about how quickly an anxious brain can go from, "My husband should have been back by now" to "How will I raise the children on my own? Will the baby even remember him?" If you scroll through just a few of your "what if" scenarios, I bet you'll find a rich pool of material.

Imagine all of the unpublished authors out there, just waiting to put their imaginations to good use! And, what would happen to all those obsessive worries if they had a place to be unleashed? Imagine the healing. And, thinking about Dr. Wilson's paradoxical approach - when you invite the worry and doubt - even encourage your brain to go down that rabbit hole of worry & create a story, you can't help but get better. Need inspiration to get writing? Try this or this and when the final draft is complete, check out Lulu!

Dave Carbonell talks about "The Panic Trick"

Have you checked out Dave Carbonell's workbook yet? It's fantastic - go grab one! You can also see him here as he talks about panic as an insidious trick. True, the video quality is not fancy, but the message is really good. This video is part one of two. What do you think?

A Drop in the Ocean

What an inspiring week it's been! No matter what side of the aisle you sit on, you have to admit that the collective strength of people working together has been powerful! From witnessing hundreds & thousands of service projects to seeing people of all backgrounds gathering together on the mall to cheer on our new President, it's been amazing & inspiring.

It can also be powerful to daydream about how you are using your life to create a little magic in the world. About how the thing that makes you happiest may just be your gift to the world. How even if you are house bound with agoraphobia, you can still reach out and be of service from working on a heartfelt cause on your computer; to knitting caps for newborns (check out more sites like this); to even baking cookies for the unsung, under appreciated heroes in our lives. Hey, and delivering cookies to the public school's lunch ladies (and making eye contact) could be exposure practice for folks who don't leave home much.

Frederick Buechner said, "the vocation for you is the one in which your deep gladness and the world's deep need meet. When you are doing something you are happiest doing it must also be something that the world needs to have done."

Stretch, dream, grow. You have a beautiful life and gifts to share. It doesn't have to be big. In the words of Mother Theresa, "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."