Is anxiety a mental illness?

At the end of August, a professor from the University of Arizona contacted me about submitting a "first person account" of anxiety for a new text book he and his colleagues are writing. They've received a number of submissions from people dealing with various forms of mental malaise. I'm getting ready to submit my story, but am still hung up on the books title "First Person Accounts of Mental Illness". It just feels like there's a big difference between an anxiety disorder and, say, paranoid schizophrenia with delusions. My Dad, a clinical psychologist, used to say that anxiety and depression were the common colds of mental health. I tend to agree.

The professor said that he was open to alternate titles for this text. Any ideas? What do you think? Is anxiety a mental illness? And, if not, is there a better description for what we experience?

Hope everyone is enjoying this amazing fall weather!

Exercise and Anxiety

I've got to tell you, I've been really noticing the positive effects of exercise on my mood and energy level these past few months. I'm not knocking yoga or a good power walk, but it's the days where I get some good cardio in and really sweat that seem to make the biggest difference. This is not new information in the world of anxiety and health, but it's interesting how difficult it is to prioritize self care.

Between taking care of three children and getting a second wind around 10pm, I can find lots of reasons to turn my alarm off at 6am. Frequently my husband and I will say to each other, "Ok, this is the week we're going to bed by 10:30pm and getting up early!" Signing up for a couple triathlons this summer certainly helped get me up in the morning, but my motivation can dwindle when race season is complete and daylight grows shorter. When I'm tired and not exercising, the world seems more overwhelming and my wheels spin.

This week, I've made a new pact with my husband to go to bed by 11pm-ish and I've gotten up the past five mornings to exercise. Depending on how much time I have, I'm doing a mix of running a faster 2-3 miles (a 10 minute mile is speedy for me); a favorite 20 minute video; swimming; and biking with a friend on the weekends. Even a little dance break in the day can help my body and brain play nice.

What's changed? I had to sit myself down during the daytime hours and say, "Look, girl, this is good for you & it makes you feel so much better! You are not going to find time to exercise after 7am. Now get your butt to bed! Whatever still needs doing can wait until tomorrow!" Again, while exercise and enough sleep does not make anxiety go away for me, it helps make it more manageable by using up some of that super-power adrenaline and starting each day with a more rested brain.

Will I be singing a different tune, next week? Perhaps, but accountability is a good motivator, too! What effect does enough sleep and exercise have on your mental health and outlook? What's working for you?

This too shall pass

Ok, so no one could ever accuse me of being current with all things hip. I understand that this video was "everywhere" in January, even though it came into my universe this morning. My husband couldn't believe I had never seen it and pulled it up on YouTube. When we should have been finishing the kids lunches and getting shoes on, the five of us watched and danced a little before heading off to work, school and the playground. Everyone lovingly rolled their eyes when they realized that the end of this song brought tears to my eyes. I'm not sure why - maybe it was the big band finish (I was in the high school marching band), the fabulous creativity or the fact that music bypasses my brain and goes straight to emotion for me.

I love the message of "this too shall pass - let it go" and thought it fitting to share in this space. This phrase reminds me to be ever present and move slowly through all of life's moments. We can find comfort in the fact that emotional turbulence will not last forever. And, an equally, if not more, important message is to wake up to the joy and beauty in our every day lives, because those moments pass, as well. We don't have to feel calm or "together" to be awake to our lives, we only have to show up.

What moments have you been awake to today - what beauty have you seen?

Hugging my girls, looking into their eyes and telling them that I love them; laughing with my handsome husband this morning; holding my 3 year old's soft, tiny hand; watching clouds roll through the breezy sky; taking time to listen to the sounds of outdoors and feel the crisp morning air; making home made pizza dough at my child's pace as she stirred the flour up to her elbows and snitched dough; children racing through the grass to see brilliant green caterpillars at our school garden; listening to a foreign language being spoken; people connecting and reaching out to one another; etc.

Mind Traps

"When you go beyond seeing words as words, you're buying into the illusion your mind creates. The thoughts shift from being thoughts to being something dangerously serious. And when that happens, you'll often find yourself trapped in old behavior patterns that are neither helpful nor in your best interest. We call this a mind trap." (pg. 70)

Come again? The idea of a mind trap is actually pretty simple and people (with or without anxiety) do it all the time. Mind traps occur when we make up stories in our heads and respond as if those thoughts are true. If we've imagined something scary, our bodies begin making lots of adrenaline and our physical symptoms kick in, followed by more scary thoughts. Of course, this is a great recipe for a panic attack and, over time, it simply becomes habit.

I remember a few years back, my husband took our older girls to a festival. When I couldn't reach him by phone, I started to imagine that one of the kids got lost and he wasn't answering until he found her. I imagined her lost in the crowd and crying for us - it was horrible. Even though I knew this scenario was highly unlikely, I found myself believing my imagination and feeling more and more anxious until I was able to reach my husband. The reality was that they were having so much fun that he didn't hear the phone and everyone came home happy.

I so identified with Brene Brown's video when she asked the audience "what happens next?" My brain runs disastrous headlines on a daily basis. Sometimes I shrug them off and other times I get a little wave of adrenaline. What if it's a sign?

Leaving the pool with my three year old while hubby and the girls stay behind.

"Little did they know that would be the last time anyone saw them alive".

The phone rings before 8am in the morning.

"And that's when she first heard that (insert name) had passed away during the night".

Even though it doesn't feel like it, we do have a choice in how we respond to thoughts like:

What if?

It would be terrible if . . .

I'm going to have a panic attack and then . . .(this terrible thing will happen). . .

"One of the most courageous things you can do when your WAF's (worries, anxieties and fears) show up is to sit still with them and not do as they say." (pg. 76)

This week, I invite you to just notice when your mind starts to set a trap for you. See if you can simply watch the thought without having to respond to it. There's an exercise on page 76 in our summer book called "Mind Watching" - it's a good one. And, if you're not reading the book, try sitting with some basic meditation every day for as long as you like. I'm going to aim for 5 - 10 minutes a day and see how it goes!

Home again

I'm just getting settled back in after being away for two weeks. My Mom and Step-Dad live by the water and we had the chance to house sit for them while they adventured off to Alaska. It was so nice to be away and long enough that I was excited as we drove back into our cozy, little neighborhood this past weekend. One of these days, we'll have enough money to fly our family of five somewhere exotic, but for now, house sitting in a beautiful location was just what we all needed.

As I was getting our kitchen back in order the other night, I found myself needing to take frequent breaks and pop into some favorite blogs. (Speaking of distraction - this is fabulous ice cream and you can sub 1 tsp vanilla extract for the vanilla bean.) I also found this wonderful video by Brene Brown. I was so touched by her talk and am still processing what she had to say. Enjoy and I'd love to hear what you think.

Watch live streaming video from tedxkc at livestream.com

"Intense anxiety is not in itself a problem"

I know, did we read that right on page 60? Isn't that what we struggle and fight not to feel, worrying that we'll be washed away in all that misplaced intensity?

Let's look at that again: "Intense anxiety is not in itself a problem. Many people experience intense anxiety, even panic attacks, in their daily lives and continue to do what's important to them." " Intensely felt emotions need not be a barrier . . . they can be welcomed in as a vital part of you." (p. 60)

We know from research that when people accept or even invite their anxiety, it often dissipates. But this takes that notion one step further. Is it possible to welcome anxiety as a vital part of ourselves? Is there value to our anxiety that we're overlooking? Anxiety, energy and excitement are so closely related. Some even say that anxiety might be linked with their energy source and, used with intention, can be useful.

The other morning I woke up feeling tense and anxious. I started thinking "what if I used my adrenaline to my advantage - you know, jump into my high energy tasks and/or exercise when my engine is already revved up?" I remembered watching PBS's "This Emotional Life" a few months back. During episode two, there was a writer who said that his anxiety started getting better when he realized it was something he could learn to use; his anxiety was like his own personal caffeine pump. Accepting what is and making anxiety work for you - now there's a concept!

Something I'm enjoying about this read is the way the authors are turning old, stubborn beliefs onto their heads. If intense anxiety is not a problem or a barrier to doing what's important to you, imagine the possibilities!

Summer Reading Notes

I have something to admit . . . I'm one of those people who likes to peek at the end of a book from time to time. You know, just to know what I'm getting into, to make sure everyone is alright in the end, and because I'm really curious.

So, as I was thinking about a post this morning, I've been drawn to write about the values chapter. What's been sticking with me as I read along is the essential questions of "What's important to you - what do you value in this life -- and does how you live your life reflect those values?" Because, I find that when I'm doing something that might make me anxious, I'm more motivated to go for it if it's important to me.

These past few weeks I've been driving carpool with another family that I don't know as well. Now, you know and I know that anxiety does not affect your ability to drive, but I've just gotten caught up in an anxiety cycle where I have thoughts of, "What if I get anxious and can't drive carpool these five weeks? How will I explain that? What will people think? That would mean . . . . (any number of bad things that I make up in the moment)."

Typically, I feel worst on Monday, anticipating and feeling anxious beforehand. Then, once everyone is in the car and I'm driving it's really fun. The kids are giggly and hysterical with each other the whole way home and I feel great. I just get caught in that imaginary "bad things will happen" cycle before hand and can't seem to stop struggling in anticipation. Then I get upset with myself that "here we go again" and I struggle to stop struggling.

So, two things I've told myself lately: I'm reminded that it's alright to have those thoughts and sensations -- it's ok to feel anxious here -- and I welcomed all thoughts and sensations to stay for the party. Then, I reminded myself that being able to drive my child and her friends where they need to go is important to me. Doing something that might make me internally uncomfortable, but is safe, is an example I want to set for my kids.

We're in the last week and just this morning I noticed some thoughts and feelings creep up. They poked their heads around to see who wanted to play and left when it was clear there was no one around. Tomorrow might be different, but I'm learning that the most important thing is that I'm willing to show up and do my job no matter what.

How are you doing what's important to you this week, even if anxiety shows up?