Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Summer Reading Notes

I have something to admit . . . I'm one of those people who likes to peek at the end of a book from time to time. You know, just to know what I'm getting into, to make sure everyone is alright in the end, and because I'm really curious.

So, as I was thinking about a post this morning, I've been drawn to write about the values chapter. What's been sticking with me as I read along is the essential questions of "What's important to you - what do you value in this life -- and does how you live your life reflect those values?" Because, I find that when I'm doing something that might make me anxious, I'm more motivated to go for it if it's important to me.

These past few weeks I've been driving carpool with another family that I don't know as well. Now, you know and I know that anxiety does not affect your ability to drive, but I've just gotten caught up in an anxiety cycle where I have thoughts of, "What if I get anxious and can't drive carpool these five weeks? How will I explain that? What will people think? That would mean . . . . (any number of bad things that I make up in the moment)."

Typically, I feel worst on Monday, anticipating and feeling anxious beforehand. Then, once everyone is in the car and I'm driving it's really fun. The kids are giggly and hysterical with each other the whole way home and I feel great. I just get caught in that imaginary "bad things will happen" cycle before hand and can't seem to stop struggling in anticipation. Then I get upset with myself that "here we go again" and I struggle to stop struggling.

So, two things I've told myself lately: I'm reminded that it's alright to have those thoughts and sensations -- it's ok to feel anxious here -- and I welcomed all thoughts and sensations to stay for the party. Then, I reminded myself that being able to drive my child and her friends where they need to go is important to me. Doing something that might make me internally uncomfortable, but is safe, is an example I want to set for my kids.

We're in the last week and just this morning I noticed some thoughts and feelings creep up. They poked their heads around to see who wanted to play and left when it was clear there was no one around. Tomorrow might be different, but I'm learning that the most important thing is that I'm willing to show up and do my job no matter what.

How are you doing what's important to you this week, even if anxiety shows up?


Ashley said...

Hey Kristin!
I actually have an extremely hard time talking about what scares me the most. I took my oldest son to meet his teacher on Monday and I told her about my anxieties (I'll be really involved in his class since it's kind of a homeschool school). Anyway, as soon as I started talking about it I was flooded with anxiety. I think mostly about what she would think about me. I also get overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety if I talk about how my anxiety all started. I think it has to do with some PTSD.

How are you doing what's important to you this week, even if anxiety shows up?
Well, my husband is in TX for the week so anxiety is pretty much living with me right now but I still took Tripp to meet his teacher, went to the bank, a friends house and will have to take Tripp to the Dr. tomorrow for his mmr booster. Dr.s and vaccines cause me a great deal of stress but I'll just have to make my wobbly legs walk and my dizzy head speak to the nurses and Dr. and most importantly be there for Tripp. He'll be very scared.
I am trying to be more aware of what's important and then make my anxious self do it. This is no easy task. I am getting a little more comfortable with my panic symptoms though.
You really are an anxiety super hero…Driving other kids around for 5 whole weeks. I can't imagine committing to going to Target everyday for 5 weeks! Yikes!

My friend is coming over tonight to help set up the bog. I'll give you the link as soon as it looks decent.


Anxiety Girl said...

*Thinking about you while your man is in TX!! How did the doctors visit go? I still get anxious at times taking my kids to the doctor. I'm always sure they can see that I'm anxious, but it always subsides once I get talking. Did your anxiety get better once you started talking to the new teacher and got into a conversation? I think that's totally normal. Good for you for putting it out there.

*How's everyone else doing this week?

craig said...

Hi Kristin:

I am putting together a collection of first person accounts and am writing to see if you might be interested in making a contribution about your experienc with anxiety. It will be used for course instruction to help others better understand a "first person" experience, if interested contact me at : craig.lecroy@asu.edu

Laura Elliott said...

Hi Kristin
Thank you for popping over to visit my blog. I love the question you asked in this post, really got me thinking.

Tomorrow night I am playing netball, I have just started playing again after about 8 years and I feel really anxious about it. I am playing with some very close friends though so I feel well supported and I value spending time with the girls, so despite how anxious I feel I will get out on the court and fingers crossed it won't be as bad as I'm making it out in my head.

Will be back soon to read more :-)

Anxiety Girl said...

Hi Laura,

How did the game go? That's awesome that you're jumping back into it after 8 years!

Kristin :)