Anxiety Coach has got a brand new bag

If you haven't been on Dave Carbonell's site recently, head on over and check out the new look! His newsletter is fantastic, as well, and I encourage you to sign up and enjoy the information and inspiration. Here's the email I just received from his website:

"You may recall that I suspended publication of my Anxiety Coach® newsletter this summer in order to upgrade the website. I'm now ready to resume publishing the newsletter. If you want to receive it, please visit the site at http://www.anxietycoach.com/newsletter.html and sign up again.

Please do this now, so you don't miss any issues. If you don't want to receive the newsletter any longer, just discard this e-mail and you will no longer be on the list.

I also want to invite you to stop by the new website, at www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com> . There is a lot of new material, including more articles about panic and worry.

Feedback about the site, suggestions for articles, and reporting typos are always welcome!

Best,
Dave Carbonell, Ph.D.
www.anxietycoach.com <http://www.anxietycoach.com>
A self help guide for recovery from fears and phobias"

http://www.youtube.com/davecarbonell
My anxiety self-help videos on YouTube

On my bedside table

Sometimes I feel like a graduate student in anxiety & it's many treatments! I'm usually reading more than one book at a time (I like choices) & these are some of the books I picked up at the library & currently have on my bedside table (ok, within reach, but scattered on the floor):

The Worry Cure - by Robert Leahy, Ph.D.
*I love the introduction titled, "The Seven Rules of Highly Worried People" -- read it over & see how many of these with which you can identify. I'm still making my way through this one, but so far it's a great read!

What Would You Do If You Had No Fear? - by Diane Conway
Sweet interviews and stories of courage and a great question to ask yourself? What would you be doing if you had no fear?

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy -- by Steven Hayes, Ph.D.
I love the mindfulness approach already & it's value for those dealing with chronic anxiety, depression, emotional pain. This workbook helps you look at your anxiety in a new way & provides great experiential exercises.

*Non-anxiety related: Bend the Rules Sewing; The Sisters Grimm; The Life of Meaning: Reflections on Faith, Doubt and Repairing the World.

Happy Reading & I look forward to hearing your reviews!

Slow & Steady Wins the Race

So, I've got a pretty big birthday coming up this fall - the big 4-0! As it approaches, I've wondered what I could do to mark this milestone. Should I take a big trip? (did that this spring), throw a party? (maybe) and then I came across a calendar of summer triathlons & an idea sparked in my head.

Before having children, I completed a handful of sprint distance triathlons & LOVED them! Truth be told, I'm really pretty slow in all areas of the event, but I love the thrill of completing such a goal. I also love the feeling of being fit & strong. Looking back at pictures, I was always the one with a huge goofy grin on my face as I, first and foremost, made it out of the water alive, cruised along on my bike or leisurely brought it home with the run, sprinting a bit at the very end. Slow and steady wins the race is definitely my motto!

My goal this summer, then, was to complete an all women's, sprint distance triathlon in early August; get fit in time to transition to 40; and have fun doing this with a group of fabulous girl friends.

What a great experience this has been!

In some ways, this training made me feel like a kid again & at the same time reminded me of my age. Floating on my back after a good swim & looking at the clouds go by; jumping on my bike & catching up with a girlfriend while we fly down hills (and creep up them); feeling strong with my 12 minute mile "run" pace (yes, I could probably walk faster). I'm also reminded that I'm getting older with an overuse muscle tear that doesn't want to go away and how I'm always checking in with my body to make sure I don't over do it. I gotta tell you, though, I was at a triathlon this summer to cheer on some friends & saw an 84 year old woman out there competing. It reminded me that despite the fact we can't turn back the clock, we can choose how we take care of ourselves and respond to aging. I want to be that fit 84 year old woman, out there participating fully in life.

Since this is an anxiety blog, I was also curious how the increased exercise would affect my mood & anxiety levels in general. What I noticed was that when I skipped a day or two of workouts, I felt more edgy and irritable. I think regular exercise can be a powerful part of anxiety treatment, but that it needs to be part of a more holistic plan with nutrition, rest, spirituality, healthy relationships and some good cognitive behavioral work. I've known people who aren't doing their exposure work and are avoiding anxiety provoking situations while they pray that their morning yoga will cure them that day. I wish it were that easy, but we all have to do the work.

The triathlon was really a fantastic experience - I highly recommend it to those interested. A sprint distance is just long enough to make it an accomplishment, something you have to work toward, but not so long that it takes over your life. The race was hot & hilly, but manageable & so much fun! As this was an all women's triathlon, the volunteers were all men along the race course wearing t-shirts that said, "Triathlete chics are hot!" (Now, who wouldn't want to go a little faster when they were cheered on with that kind of enthusiasm?) And, the camaraderie from all of the amazing women in our group was energizing as well.

Am I happy about turning 40? Sometimes it gives me pause (ok, freaks me out), but other times I realize that slow and steady is a good way to move forward through life. It gives you time to appreciate the accomplishment this life is, connect with those traveling alongside and enjoy the view.

Fortune cookies

Driving away from a surprisingly smooth dinner out with 3 children, we open our fortune cookies and read them one by one. Mine says:

"Don't play for safety - it's the most dangerous thing in the world."

My husband winks over at me and smiles, "How perfect is that?"

A Recipe for "Anxiety Stricken Chicken Soup"

Ok, so I saw this video on Paul's Anxiety Guru blog & had to re-post it here. It's laugh out loud funny & Nadia G. is my new favorite anxiety super hero!

Travelogue Part Three - Island Mama/ Adventures in Paradise

So, now for the good stuff.

After planes, taxi's & ferry boats, we arrived in the sleepy, little island of St. John and made our way to the Maho Bay Campgrounds where we stayed for a whole week. Now, some of my girlfriends laughed when I told them we stayed in a tent cabin, had to walk to the common bathhouse and fill water jugs every day. But, they have no idea what they were missing. There's something to be said for simplicity and being so close to nature.

I gotta tell you, every anxious moment was worthwhile when I walked into our tent cabin & realized that we could sit up in bed & see the Caribbean ocean. Seriously - right from our beds!

During our vacation, we learned how to snorkel & saw the most vibrantly colored fish. It was like putting your face into a salt water aquarium. The first day we tried snorkeling, I felt a little tense, a bit nervous and then I remembered -- it's normal to feel nervous when you're trying something new. Oh yeah. OK, let's jump in then. On our snorkeling adventures we had the exciting pleasure of swimming with a few big & stripey barracuda, a big orange starfish, a friendly sea turtle, and a few nurse sharks. We met the most amazing people along the way and spent time in engaging conversation during breakfast and dinner each day, overlooking the Caribbean & British virgin islands from the dining pavilion. Our first full day there, we spontaneously decided to take a sunset sail with a couple we met at breakfast. There was also lots of time for hiking, napping, and for you parents out there - we were able to complete FULL sentences. We saw iguana's & lizards in all shapes & sizes, ate delicious food prepared graciously for us all week long, sipped a variety of rum drinks here & there, and felt the weight of responsibility slide away for a while. Every night, we fell asleep to the sound of the ocean lapping gently at the shore; to doves who sang. all. night. long.; to singing frogs; and, most nights, a nighttime rain storm.

I did have moments of real anxiety during the vacation; nights were I felt on the verge of panic going to sleep, feeling very far away from my 3 precious children; creating images of a plane taking off & feeling dread that the only way home was through the air; and times where I just had an underlying feeling of tension. But you know what? I was able to handle those moments when they came up & I still had a fantastic time. Reid Wilson quotes Helen Keller at the end of his "Facing Panic" book & it stayed with me the entire trip & even back home. She said, "Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all."

The real truth for me is that anxiety is uncomfortable, it feels like something terrible is going to happen, but it's not dangerous. On the trip I remembered a poignant moment when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. I had a particularly intense panic attack the night before (intense for me, but my husband said that from the outside I just looked a little tense). After tossing & turning & having trouble falling asleep, I finally drifted off. The next day was one of those amazingly gorgeous January days where it almost felt like spring. I was working in the yard outside & looking up at the clouds, feeling the breeze across my hair & face, and it hit me - for as bad as I felt the night before, nothing bad had happened. It didn't last forever; I didn't go crazy; my panic was barely visible to the person I'm closest to; I was still able to fold laundry & talk during this attack which I perceived as intense; and, here I was standing in my back yard gazing at the clouds and almost forgetting that it had occurred. Huh.

I can't believe how many weeks it's been now since we came back home. If I didn't have the pictures, it might feel like a lovely dream. If you're considering an adventure, something that you know is safe, but scares you a little, why not try? People with anxiety disorders have a hidden well of courage they rarely acknowledge.

When you think about it, what amazing things have happened for you when you've been able to live a life of daring adventure?

Travelogue Part Two - In Flight Adventures

So I'll be honest with you. I was not happy to be sitting on that first plane before 7am in the morning.

As the aircraft sped up to takeoff speed & gradually lifted off the ground, soaring upward towards the clouds, I felt waves of anxiety coursing through my body. I figured that I had two choices: freak out the whole way to the Carribean or do my best to accept that I was going to be 35,000 feet in the air for a few more hours and get as comfortable as possible.

I thought about my tool belt of coping skills and started saying to myself, "I want this anxiety. I want it to get stronger." And, you know what? It was working. I couldn't make the symptoms any stronger than they already were.

Then, I thought about Dave Carbonell's "Rule of Opposites" - doing the opposite of what feels "safe" in an anxiety provoking situation. So, instead of pulling down the shades & pretending I wasn't on a plane, I started looking out the windows. I found that I really do like to see the tree tops, little tiny houses, and the outline of roads. Who lives in those homes & what is their story, I wondered.

Something else that really helped was the Truth Based Technique I read about in David Burn's book. I wrote in my notebook:
*How many times have I gotten so anxious that I ran down the aisle of the plane screaming?
*How many times have planes had to land for me because I absolutely couldn't handle symptoms of anxiety?
*How many times have I curled up in the fetal position under my chair & cried until it was all over?
Ahem, I think we know the answers to all of the above.


There were more moments with waves of fear and extended periods of time where I felt that pit in my stomach , but it was all manageable & my skills came in handy. Before I knew it, we were in Atlanta & preparing to board our second flight.

For our second flight, the longer flight, our seats were in the back of the plane. I'm not sure why the back of the plane is worse, but I kinda feel more claustrophobic back there. Our flight time was 3 hours & 12 minutes (but whose counting) & in my head I felt like a 2.5 hour flight would be so much easier. Isn't it funny how our brains make up rules about what's safe & what's not?

Once we found our seats, we looked at each other at the same time -- we were definitely in the "party" section of the plane. Three babies were in the back with us & some rowdy folks were starting the party early with cocktails. I wondered if some of them were drinking to cope with their own anxiety. A moment before take off, the 5 year old cherub behind me started to giggle & said, "Hey Mom! What if the plane catches on fire & we crash? Wouldn't that be cool?!"

Hey kid - who asked you? Huh?

Finally, we landed in St. Thomas, USVI - just a ferry & a few taxi rides away from our final destination, St. John. The whole plane cheered & clapped at the successful landing. Steve & I stepped off the plane, walked down the roll away staircase out onto the tarmac & just kept grinning. This was going to be a blast.

So, let's recap. What helped?

*Showing up & being willing to try something that creates anxiety
*Paradox/Bring it on mentality/Make the symptoms stronger
(Reid Wilson, Don't Panic - newly revised)
*Truth based techniques (David Burns, When Panic Attacks)
*Rule of Opposites (Dave Carbonell, Panic Attacks Workbook)
*Supportive mate
*Engaging with others/humor
*Being ok if none of these worked

Stay tuned! The next installment will be about our adventures in paradise!