When you're dealing with a return of anxiety or depression, or maybe an upswing of stress in your life, here's a helpful acronym to remember:
NURSE
Nourishment - be mindful of what you're feeding your body - fresh veggies, fruit, water, whole grains - you know the list.
Understanding - name the beast for what it is & acknowledge that you're feeling funky for the moment, day, week.
Rest - it's amazing how good it feels to catch up on your sleep & how sleep deprivation can really mess with our mental states & ability to handle stress.
Spirituality - whatever grounds you, be it religion, mindfulness, being in nature - access that power & calm now.
Exercise - Dr. Oz recommends 30 minutes of walking every day no matter what. Why not experiment & see what happens when you incorporate something like that into your life? How does your perspective shift?
from: Women's Moods: What Every Woman Must Know about Hormones, the Brain, and Emotional Health: by Deborah Sichel & Jeanne Watson Driscoll
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Dave Carbonell talks about "The Panic Trick"
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Drop in the Ocean
What an inspiring week it's been! No matter what side of the aisle you sit on, you have to admit that the collective strength of people working together has been powerful! From witnessing hundreds & thousands of service projects to seeing people of all backgrounds gathering together on the mall to cheer on our new President, it's been amazing & inspiring.
It can also be powerful to daydream about how you are using your life to create a little magic in the world. About how the thing that makes you happiest may just be your gift to the world. How even if you are house bound with agoraphobia, you can still reach out and be of service from working on a heartfelt cause on your computer; to knitting caps for newborns (check out more sites like this); to even baking cookies for the unsung, under appreciated heroes in our lives. Hey, and delivering cookies to the public school's lunch ladies (and making eye contact) could be exposure practice for folks who don't leave home much.
Frederick Buechner said, "the vocation for you is the one in which your deep gladness and the world's deep need meet. When you are doing something you are happiest doing it must also be something that the world needs to have done."
Stretch, dream, grow. You have a beautiful life and gifts to share. It doesn't have to be big. In the words of Mother Theresa, "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I'm a little bit country. . .
Who grew up in the 70's and doesn't remember watching "The Donny & Marie" show? Love him or not, you have to admire the man for making his struggle with panic & social anxiety public in an effort to educate and normalize the disorder. Here's an interview with the anxiety super hero in 2000, but the information is still relevant today.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
What are you willing to risk?
So, I've been talking about this weekend treatment group I attended in November with Reid Wilson – a world renowned psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Something he asked right from the beginning was, what have you avoided or given up as a result of your anxiety? And, now, what are you willing to risk to gain those things back?
So much of the work is a change of attitude and asking the question every time anxiety arises – what am I willing to risk? If I’m feeling anxious one day & someone asks to meet for coffee – am I willing to risk that I might feel anxious & that they might notice? Because, choosing NOT to go because of something that MIGHT happen will only strengthen the anxiety. Choosing to have someone else join us or having an out is still avoidance and strengthens the anxiety as well.
The second piece of that attitude shift is learning to love my anxiety – to get excited that I’ll have another opportunity to practice with feelings of anxiety and doubt/uncertainty. That’s a hard attitude shift, but the only way to win. As Dr.Wilson said, we’ve been worshipping at the altar of anxiety for far too long – We bow down and plead – “Please anxiety, I’ll do anything – just please don’t make me feel edgy & out of control – I can’t bear it”. The shift also encompasses changing your relationship with anxiety. When you begin feeling nervous – perhaps the adrenaline is flowing through your chest, your heart is pounding and you’re telling yourself that bad things are about to happen - you can talk to your anxiety & ask it to make the symptoms stronger. If you’re going to feel symptoms anyways, why not surprise the bully and invite anxiety to take it’s coat off and stay a while.
Something I loved about the weekend was Reid’s “Anxiety Disorders Game” that we played during lunch and night time breaks. We all got score cards and were able to earn points by doing some of the following:
*Deciding what anxiety provoking event we would enter and following through.
*Truly wanting anxiety to show up and asking for more when it did (with an understanding of why we were practicing this way).
*Extra points could be scored for every minute you asked for more anxiety and you got your wish.
A fly on the wall might have overheard people planning their practices like this:
“Well, I think I’m gonna go to lunch, keep changing my order & maybe spill my drink on purpose. I hate drawing attention to myself, so that should make me really uncomfortable. Afterwards, I’ll probably ride in the big elevator and try to make myself hyperventilate.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go driving around the city, try to get lost & then find my way back. That should get me good & panicky. You do have your cell phone on, right?”
“I’m going to ride in the back of someone’s car with the windows up, heat on & the music blaring. I think that will trigger my claustrophobia and earn me some bonus points.”
On Sunday, during our lunch practice, I drove myself on the downtown expressway for a meal at Elmo’s Diner (delicious!). Reid reminded me that once I got to my destination, and knew where I was, I would probably feel comfortable. Since the weekend was about working with anxiety, discomfort and doubt, he encouraged me to try & think of ways I could make myself more uncomfortable. I was also looking for ways to score more points in the game.
So, as I sat down at the counter, ordered and found myself happy and making small talk with local folks, I remembered what Reid had said. Then something came to mind. Part of my anxiety is feeling embarrassed about it. Oh shit, I thought, as I pulled out my “Self Help for People with Panic Attacks” book and read it at the counter while eating my lunch. As I read, I made sure that the cover was very visible to all those sitting at the counter and to those waiting in line. I thought about how I had encouraged a person with social anxiety to skip through the mall as a practice and how this was just as hard for me.
I put the book down at one point, asked the couple sitting next to me at the counter for advice on the menu. Scoring a few more points, I thanked them and decided to order something else, letting go of the thought that they might be thinking, “Why did she bother asking?”
Coming back from lunch, I put my points on the board, grabbed a prize out of the basket (scotch tape!) and settled in to talk about my experience and learn from the experiences of others. The signs posted around the room reminded me that these were my road maps for the anxiety journey ahead.
I want this anxiety.
I want this doubt and uncertainty.
I can handle this.
What's holding you back? What are you willing to risk in your day to day life? And, what are your road maps?
So much of the work is a change of attitude and asking the question every time anxiety arises – what am I willing to risk? If I’m feeling anxious one day & someone asks to meet for coffee – am I willing to risk that I might feel anxious & that they might notice? Because, choosing NOT to go because of something that MIGHT happen will only strengthen the anxiety. Choosing to have someone else join us or having an out is still avoidance and strengthens the anxiety as well.
The second piece of that attitude shift is learning to love my anxiety – to get excited that I’ll have another opportunity to practice with feelings of anxiety and doubt/uncertainty. That’s a hard attitude shift, but the only way to win. As Dr.Wilson said, we’ve been worshipping at the altar of anxiety for far too long – We bow down and plead – “Please anxiety, I’ll do anything – just please don’t make me feel edgy & out of control – I can’t bear it”. The shift also encompasses changing your relationship with anxiety. When you begin feeling nervous – perhaps the adrenaline is flowing through your chest, your heart is pounding and you’re telling yourself that bad things are about to happen - you can talk to your anxiety & ask it to make the symptoms stronger. If you’re going to feel symptoms anyways, why not surprise the bully and invite anxiety to take it’s coat off and stay a while.
Something I loved about the weekend was Reid’s “Anxiety Disorders Game” that we played during lunch and night time breaks. We all got score cards and were able to earn points by doing some of the following:
*Deciding what anxiety provoking event we would enter and following through.
*Truly wanting anxiety to show up and asking for more when it did (with an understanding of why we were practicing this way).
*Extra points could be scored for every minute you asked for more anxiety and you got your wish.
A fly on the wall might have overheard people planning their practices like this:
“Well, I think I’m gonna go to lunch, keep changing my order & maybe spill my drink on purpose. I hate drawing attention to myself, so that should make me really uncomfortable. Afterwards, I’ll probably ride in the big elevator and try to make myself hyperventilate.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go driving around the city, try to get lost & then find my way back. That should get me good & panicky. You do have your cell phone on, right?”
“I’m going to ride in the back of someone’s car with the windows up, heat on & the music blaring. I think that will trigger my claustrophobia and earn me some bonus points.”
On Sunday, during our lunch practice, I drove myself on the downtown expressway for a meal at Elmo’s Diner (delicious!). Reid reminded me that once I got to my destination, and knew where I was, I would probably feel comfortable. Since the weekend was about working with anxiety, discomfort and doubt, he encouraged me to try & think of ways I could make myself more uncomfortable. I was also looking for ways to score more points in the game.
So, as I sat down at the counter, ordered and found myself happy and making small talk with local folks, I remembered what Reid had said. Then something came to mind. Part of my anxiety is feeling embarrassed about it. Oh shit, I thought, as I pulled out my “Self Help for People with Panic Attacks” book and read it at the counter while eating my lunch. As I read, I made sure that the cover was very visible to all those sitting at the counter and to those waiting in line. I thought about how I had encouraged a person with social anxiety to skip through the mall as a practice and how this was just as hard for me.
I put the book down at one point, asked the couple sitting next to me at the counter for advice on the menu. Scoring a few more points, I thanked them and decided to order something else, letting go of the thought that they might be thinking, “Why did she bother asking?”
Coming back from lunch, I put my points on the board, grabbed a prize out of the basket (scotch tape!) and settled in to talk about my experience and learn from the experiences of others. The signs posted around the room reminded me that these were my road maps for the anxiety journey ahead.
I want this anxiety.
I want this doubt and uncertainty.
I can handle this.
What's holding you back? What are you willing to risk in your day to day life? And, what are your road maps?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I heart anxiety
Happy New Year!
I've been wondering what to write lately. I thought I'd be bursting with prose after the workshop. The busyness of the holidays hasn't helped, either, but as I read recently, we all make time to do the things we really want to do. You know, like thinking - if only I could find time to keep my house clean and exercise as I plunk myself down to check email.
I think I've been avoiding fully processing what I took in that weekend and what I have to do from this point forward. I know I went in having an unrealistic expectation -- the hope that I would drive to North Carolina early that Saturday morning a person with an anxiety disorder and come home Sunday night cured for life. The truth is, as Dr. Wilson said, anxiety disorders span the life cycle - which means, much can be done to cope with anxiety and it's very treatable with the latest techniques & research, but it will always ebb and flow throughout our lives. That's not what I wanted to hear. He also emphasized that the best way to conquer anxiety is to choose to enter anxiety provoking situations on purpose; want to get anxious; want the symptoms to be intense; and want the symptoms to stick around for a long time. Basically, you've got to learn to love your anxiety. On top of that, you gotta drop all the crutches you use to protect yourself from feeling anxious and just feel it all .
I had a chance to practice this provocative approach when driving to my Mom's recently - a nice opportunity for regular practice. It was raining cats & dogs & sideways. I thought about taking the back roads, but picked up the girls from school and began driving on the highway toward my favorite bridges in West Point. Adrenaline surged, went away and came back again in concert with tired old thoughts and images of freaking out on the bridges. It's so easy to ride around in circles on those well worn thought grooves. I just kept chanting in my head, "I want it. I want it." I didn't employ my usual crutches of favorite music or engaging conversation - I simply expected the anxiety & tried my best to want it to come, be intense and stick around. I also tried to drop the need for certainty and just reassured myself with, "Whatever happens, I can handle it."
When I finally approached West Point, I saw the first bridge and crossed with no problem except for anticipating the bigger one. As I came up on the ascent of the second, the rain pounded against my car and, this may sound crazy, but I greeted my anxiety, like Reid suggested, and asked it to make my symptoms stronger ("Anxiety, I'm so glad you could meet me here! I need more adrenaline and pronto!"). I looked straight ahead, added the mantra "More" over and over again & remembered "I can handle this". It wasn't easy, but I did feel proud afterwards. A few months before, I wouldn't even consider driving over these bridges on a sunny day without my cell phone within reach and Stevie Wonder cranking on the stereo. And, now, here I was, crossing them with my 3 kids on a dark & stormy afternoon.
Ok, so maybe this work never gets easy. But whatever happens, I can handle it. And, if you're reading this and struggle with anxiety - you can handle it, too.
As we step into 2009, I invite you to look at what's holding you back in your life. How will you work with what ails you, whether it's anxiety or something else? Who will you share this with and who will walk by your side in community or as support?
This is the year to not let yourself off the hook. Don't spend another moment living a smaller life than you dreamed.
**Something fun & new for 2009 -- "Anxiety Gear" on Cafe Press. Let me know what you think!
http://www.cafepress.com/AnxietyGear
I've been wondering what to write lately. I thought I'd be bursting with prose after the workshop. The busyness of the holidays hasn't helped, either, but as I read recently, we all make time to do the things we really want to do. You know, like thinking - if only I could find time to keep my house clean and exercise as I plunk myself down to check email.
I think I've been avoiding fully processing what I took in that weekend and what I have to do from this point forward. I know I went in having an unrealistic expectation -- the hope that I would drive to North Carolina early that Saturday morning a person with an anxiety disorder and come home Sunday night cured for life. The truth is, as Dr. Wilson said, anxiety disorders span the life cycle - which means, much can be done to cope with anxiety and it's very treatable with the latest techniques & research, but it will always ebb and flow throughout our lives. That's not what I wanted to hear. He also emphasized that the best way to conquer anxiety is to choose to enter anxiety provoking situations on purpose; want to get anxious; want the symptoms to be intense; and want the symptoms to stick around for a long time. Basically, you've got to learn to love your anxiety. On top of that, you gotta drop all the crutches you use to protect yourself from feeling anxious and just feel it all .
I had a chance to practice this provocative approach when driving to my Mom's recently - a nice opportunity for regular practice. It was raining cats & dogs & sideways. I thought about taking the back roads, but picked up the girls from school and began driving on the highway toward my favorite bridges in West Point. Adrenaline surged, went away and came back again in concert with tired old thoughts and images of freaking out on the bridges. It's so easy to ride around in circles on those well worn thought grooves. I just kept chanting in my head, "I want it. I want it." I didn't employ my usual crutches of favorite music or engaging conversation - I simply expected the anxiety & tried my best to want it to come, be intense and stick around. I also tried to drop the need for certainty and just reassured myself with, "Whatever happens, I can handle it."
When I finally approached West Point, I saw the first bridge and crossed with no problem except for anticipating the bigger one. As I came up on the ascent of the second, the rain pounded against my car and, this may sound crazy, but I greeted my anxiety, like Reid suggested, and asked it to make my symptoms stronger ("Anxiety, I'm so glad you could meet me here! I need more adrenaline and pronto!"). I looked straight ahead, added the mantra "More" over and over again & remembered "I can handle this". It wasn't easy, but I did feel proud afterwards. A few months before, I wouldn't even consider driving over these bridges on a sunny day without my cell phone within reach and Stevie Wonder cranking on the stereo. And, now, here I was, crossing them with my 3 kids on a dark & stormy afternoon.
Ok, so maybe this work never gets easy. But whatever happens, I can handle it. And, if you're reading this and struggle with anxiety - you can handle it, too.
As we step into 2009, I invite you to look at what's holding you back in your life. How will you work with what ails you, whether it's anxiety or something else? Who will you share this with and who will walk by your side in community or as support?
This is the year to not let yourself off the hook. Don't spend another moment living a smaller life than you dreamed.
**Something fun & new for 2009 -- "Anxiety Gear" on Cafe Press. Let me know what you think!
http://www.cafepress.com/AnxietyGear
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